OF GOODS AND SERVICES:
of purchase: downtown Saratoga Springs.Photo
by Ellen Desicsciolo
Downtown Retail District
can only hope the city will curb any attempt to turn its downtown
into a chain outlet village, because it is by far the best
example we have of a thriving, functioning downtown as downtowns
were meant to be. The gentle curve of Broadway, the handsome
historic buildings, the tiny specialty shops lining Caroline
and Phila streets, the fact that independent retailers still
outnumber the Gaps and Eddie Bauers: All of this adds up to
a city you want to spend time in—like the hundreds of other
people you can find strolling and shopping there on almost
Best Unlikely Retail District
oft-forgotten neighborhood still has several food markets,
a hardware store, a fabulous movie house, a flower shop, a
bank, a drugstore and a cool neighborhood restaurant—hey,
sounds suspiciously like a good old-fashioned main street.
Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza
The independent bookstore that could. Still going strong all
these years after the invasion of the big boxes, the Book
House proves that smaller often is better—and it doesn’t hurt
that the people who work there know their books (check out
the plentiful and intelligent staff selections). Zadie Smith
to the big boxes’ Scott Turow.
Best Children’s Bookstore
Little Book House
Good books. Better books. Best books yet. Little tykes’ only
problem is which to get. OK, apologies to Dr. Seuss, but kids
can’t go wrong in this comfortable, well-stocked and friendly
perennial winner. Making the Little Book House that much more
spectacular is that its staff really, really knows, likes
and can recommend titles.
Best Used Bookstore (Quality and Knowledge)
Hudson Ave., Albany
Who doesn’t love Dove and Hudson, nestled deep in the belly
of Center Square? As soon as you walk in, the tranquility
of the place takes hold setting the stage for the ultimate
book shopping experience. With its perfect balance of our
favorite classics and modern novelties, it’s almost impossible
to walk out of this store without buying a book or two or
five. If you can’t find something on the shelves, all you
have to do is ask, and the owner will search high and low
to see whether he’s got it somewhere in the store. The biggest
plus is that, unlike many other places, you won’t spend half
your day poring through junk, because it’s just not there
(not that there’s anything wrong with a good trashy novel
once in a while).
Best Used Bookstore (Selection and Price)
Troy Schenectady Road, Latham
Once in the Grand Union Plaza, the Book Barn has found its
way to a new location. Check back frequently, because it’s
always adding newly purchased selections at great prices to
its more than 80,000 titles. There are even books for a quarter.
What else can you get nowadays for a quarter?
Best Bookstore (Reissued)
Lark Street Book Shop
Lark St., Albany
We’re ecstatic that the former Bryn Mawr Bookstore was salvaged
when it was on its way out by three determined Center Square
buddies, Bill Petit, John McLennan and Mark Brogna. This altruistic
trio didn’t want to see the used bookstore leave Lark Street,
so they pooled their funds and bought it. After a good scrubbing
of the windows, passers-by are reminded what a little neighborhood
jewel they have. The shop has also morphed into a modest venue,
with poetry and literary readings and acoustic-music nights
with local musicians (recently gracing the candlelit “stage”
were Rob Skane, John Brodeur, Carl Smith and Brian Bassett).
So next time you’re wandering by, stop staring through the
window and go on in for Pete’s sake. You never know
what you’ll find.
Best Bookstore (Antiquarian)
Phila St., Saratoga Springs
There’s used, there’s old, there’s dog-eared—and then there’s
Lyrical Ballad, where the books just get better with age.
An antiquarian’s paradise with more than 75,000 volumes, including
first editions, signed editions and other collector’s items,
rare specialty volumes, vintage maps, historical curios and,
of course, fine literature. Every nook offers new surprises.
Best Men’s Clothing (Career)
State St., Albany
As the saying goes, you only get one chance to make a first
impression, so if your appearance is important to you—or if
it isn’t, but you have an important interview coming up—let
the “style experts” at this haberdasher suit you up. Their
stylings run the gamut from more traditional cuts to fashion-forward
European styles in a variety of colors, textures and fabrics,
along with custom-made shirts and a great selection of ties,
socks and accessories. There’s also a very nice selection
of casual clothing if your company allows “dress down” Fridays.
Service is extremely attentive, close to overbearing, but
the employees do know their stuff.
Best Men’s Shoes
A perennial winner in this category, Cohoes still has an edge
over the big chains. Good selection at the best prices, even
though it’s not what it was in the old location. The styles
include cutting-edge designers such as Kenneth Cole, high-end
quality Cole Haan and the basics from Rockport and others.
Best Sporting Goods Store (General)
Freemans Bridge Road, Scotia
This store has something the big box locations don’t have
and never will: history. Since its inception in 1896 in downtown
Schenectady, this store has been a mainstay for sports enthusiasts.
It boasts knowledgeable ski technicians for both downhill
and cross-country, hiking gear, tennis equipment and much
more, not to mention a large selection of quality fly-fishing
gear, something the chains just won’t carry.
Best Specialty Sporting Goods Store (Soccer)
1570 Route 9, Clifton Park
Central Ave., Colonie
The name pretty much says it all. Whether you’re a player,
coach, referee or soccer mom, you’ll find what you need at
“your total soccer store”: a huge selection of boots, shin
guards, clothing, bags and accessories, plus a very friendly
and knowledgeable staff who make sure you get exactly what
you need. And the prices are unbeatable.
Best Wine Shop (Shiny)
Selection, service and, best of all, knowledge—that’s what
many wine shops claim, but All-Star truly has it. Proprietor
and wine connoisseur Craig Allen has assembled a young but
thoroughly wine- educated staff. Aisle after aisle, rack after
rack, bottle after bottle, the selection is incredible. Looking
for that hard-to-find rare wine? Chances are, All-Star can
get it. Need a gift for a real wine snob? This is the place.
Want a quality wine for under $10? Look no further. Tasting
rooms and wine appreciation classes are also a part of the
Best Wine Shop (Dusty)
New Scotland Ave., Albany
No fancy presentation, just opened boxes with hand-colored
signs describing the wines’ characteristics and what food
they’re best paired with. Excellent selection, very friendly
service and good bargains. No extra charge to have the dust
Best Home Electronics
Imagine your home completely wired to see who’s at the front
door, watch the kids playing in the backyard and check in
on the sleeping newborn upstairs. Imagine a TV so thin it
looks like a picture hanging on the wall, audio sound so clear
you’ll think you’re in the recording studio. This is what
home electronics has become, and Hippo’s can make your imagination
a reality. If you’re looking for a plain old TV or DVD player,
Hippo’s has that too. A very knowledgeable and courteous staff
is on hand to answer any of your electronic needs.
off: State of Grace. Photo
by Shannon DeCelle
Women’s Clothing (Bohemian)
Second St., Troy
Warning: You won’t be able to leave State of Grace without
toting a really large shopping bag. There’s just too much
good stuff, from funky flip-flops to one-of-kind beaded bags
to sexy form-fitting Tees to Lily Pulitzer originals that
scream ooh-la-la. And that’s just skimming the surface. With
its luxurious goodies and its beautifully feminine (but not
froufrou) environs, Grace is a state to come home to.
Best Women’s Clothing (Special Occasion)
touch of Manhattan in Albany” is what the slogan reads, and
runway spectacular is what the boutique specializes in. Searching
for the look you saw on the runway during Fashion Week for
your 10-year reunion? You won’t find a better selection of
trendy designer gowns, elegant footwear and fashionable accessories
anywhere in the Capital Region.
Best Women’s Shoes
Broadway, Saratoga Springs
Also known as paradise to shoe lovers throughout the Capital
Region, this boutique carries the latest fashions from Stewart
Weitzman, Mark Schwartz, Hyde, Phyllis Poland, Tommy Bahama
(are you drooling yet?) and many more of today’s hottest designers.
Looking for that sexy strappy Mark Schwartz look? Saratoga
Soles has it. Need that Anne Klein classy and professional
look? Saratoga Soles has it. Want that Franco Sarto trendy-but-casual
look? Saratoga Soles has it. And if you can’t find it, you
can order it from an assortment of catalogs. Aside from its
great selection, Saratoga Soles also carries a variety of
purses, tulle, jeweled hairpieces and silk scarves for high-level
Lark St., Albany
What can we say? The women of Metroland are decked
out daily with Halloran’s jewelry—we can’t stop ourselves
from raiding her gem-laden cabinets and adding to our collections
of necklaces, earrings, bracelets and rings. Halloran makes
fabulous jewelry and imports fabulous jewelry as well. Even
Soledad O’Brien thinks so—she can be spotted on her newly
acquired morning show on CNN sporting Halloran’s designs.
The Lark Street shop contains gifts galore—among them handmade
candleholders, horn bags, pottery and vintage clothes, mostly
from local sources. But mostly, the gorgeous, intricate jewelry
is what we go gaga over.
mention: Dana Rudolph and Co., 209 River St., Troy. We’re
glad to see that Dana Rudolph’s back in action, selling her
own awesome jewelry creations at her new Troy store, as well
as those made by others. Rudolph was the motivating force
behind the first-ever Larkfest, and she was proprietress of
the African Queen—a onetime Lark Street stalwart. Welcome
Best Farmers’ Market
Waterfront Farmers’ Market
River St., Troy
The Troy Waterfront Farmers’ Market has all that a farmers’
market should have: locally grown, mostly organic fruits and
vegetables; organic coffees and teas; locally produced goods
such as wool items, cheese and pottery. And fudge. And flowers.
And honey. You get the picture. But the weekly Saturday event
is more than a place to stock your kitchen: It’s a center
of the community. Peruse the socially conscious literature
available or just grab your sticky bun and coffee and head
to a picnic table to socialize with friends. Each week offers
a different musical performer and various activities for kids.
Best Health Food Store
Weight Food Co-op
Central Ave., Albany
Unlike many inner-city co-ops, Honest Weight is the size of
a supermarket. Its bulk offerings abound, and there are organic
items aplenty. It’s a jif to get a membership—just work a
few hours. You may even meet a few folks. We also dig Honest
Weight’s cosmetics section, where a knowledgeable staff person
can guide you to the best mud mask or conditioner for your
Best Fresh Food Market
South St., Pittsfield, Mass.
S. Main St., Great Barrington, Mass.
We think all the weekenders up from New York City come for
the fresh produce, meats, fish and pasta at Guido’s, then
decide to take in a little theater or perhaps the Boston Symphony
before heading back home to cook up a feast. Seriously, Guido’s
two stores are mobbed every weekend with locals and weekenders
alike, because the overall quality and selection of fresh
and gourmet food is outstanding, and the produce alone is
second to none.
Best Large Appliances
Railroad Ave. Ext., Albany
A repeat winner, Cocca’s is a no- nonsense operation where
you’ll find what you’re looking for at a fair price, with
free delivery and expert service—even after you get the thing
Best Hardware Store
Delaware Ave., Albany
If you live in the general area and you need to pick up some
screws or get a window fixed or have a key made, why drive
all the way out to a big box when you can get better, faster,
friendlier service at your good old-fashioned neighborhood
hardware store? It’s still amazing how much stuff these old
stores cram into relatively tight confines.
power: My Favorite Things. Photo
by Teri Currie
Forget those innocuous floral arrangements that scream, “I
ordered this from an 800 number, from a florist who knows
nothing about you.” The Capital Region’s floral scene has
truly blossomed with the arrival of My Favorite Things, tucked
into an inconspicuous basement in Robinson Square. Arrangements
are made the same day, using the very best and freshest buds
and done up in ways that astound without appearing arty.
Best Optical Store
Central Ave., Colonie
They’ll forget they ever called you “Four-eyes” when they
see you wearing spectacles chosen with the help of the stylists
at EyeDentity. In fact, they’ll wish they needed glasses themselves,
just so they could shop the hundreds of designer-named, up-to-the-minute
fashionable choices of eyewear. Who knew that glasses weren’t
just to help you see but to help you be seen?
Best Toy Store
Church St., Lenox, Mass.
Railroad St., Great Barrington, Mass.
Chock-full of things that would make any child strive to be
good, the Gifted Child is the place to go when looking for
just the right gift for your own child or a friend’s. From
baby duds that make you go “Ooooh!” to games and gizmos that
make you think “I want that,” and featuring hundreds of little
items that make great stocking stuffers, grab bag goodies
or simply tokens of affection, this store is colorful proof
that good things come not in big boxes but in smaller packages.
Best Vintage Store
Quail St., Albany
If you’re looking to increase your closet’s sass quotient,
this little basement store is your best bet. You’ll find a
smashing selection of sequined tops, shiny skirts, party dresses,
and hats and bags to match. Although the men’s clothing selection
is minimal, there is a fantastic collection of vintage jeans
in all sizes as well as men’s shoes and jackets. Everything
is well organized, all the prices are clearly marked, and
you can try as much stuff on at once as you like.
Best Thrift Store
Hoosick Road, Troy
You may be under the assumption that all Salvation Army stores
are created equal. This is a gross misconception. The store
on Hoosick Road (Route 7) in Troy is by far the best in the
Capital Region. It’s very clean, the smell of mothballs is
minimal to nonexistent, and it’s extremely well organized.
It’s got the largest vintage section of all the Armys as well
as great shoes, hats and bags. The staff is friendly, and
because it’s housed in an old grocery store, the parking lot
is gargantuan, so bring as many cars as it takes to carry
home your loot.
Best Pet Food Store
Western Ave., Albany
It’s the place we go to keep our furry, feathered, scaled
and shelled companions in the manner to which they’ve become
accustomed. Pet Supplies Plus has won a few times over the
years, but with its wide variety of everything little Fluffy
desires—leashes in every hue, chewies ranging from vanilla
to peanut butter, nearly every flavor of Fancy Feast (a biggie
with the cat fans), how can you blame us?
Best Record Store
Central Ave., Albany
A wide selection of titles from every genre and sub-genre
imaginable: punk, hardcore, industrial, emo, death metal,
local, trance, hip-hop, all neatly categorized for your browsing
enjoyment, with a knowledgeable staff to assist you if you
can’t find what you need. Many indie, hip-hop and dance titles
are also available on vinyl if you’ve got a pair of 1200s
lying around. The used section is filled with quality titles
and rare gems that you aren’t likely to find secondhand anywhere
Best Record Store (Used and Vinyl)
Quail St., Albany
Broadway, Saratoga Springs
Last Vestige—both locations—is where we turn to whet our record-buying
appetites. Whether we’re there for CDs or new and used vinyl,
we can’t walk out empty-handed. It’s one of few remaining
places to get vinyl these days (boy, do we feel old), so you
can head to Last Vestige to replace all those records lost
in all those breakups while also dipping into the meager stream
of new vinyl releases.
Best Video Rental
Central Ave., Colonie
With more than 30,000 movies and games and weeklong rentals,
Super Video remains the region’s best place to rent a flick.
It was a pioneer in stocking DVDs and still has the area’s
largest DVD selection. Don’t toss out your videocassette player,
though: Super Video still has hundreds of films on VHS that
are out of print and unlikely to be made available on DVD
any time soon. Its friendly, knowledgeable staff is more than
happy to help, too.
Best Free Video
washington Ave., Albany
Searching for free videos at the APL is much like visiting
a flea market—little order but a whole lot of neat stuff.
The movies are alphabetized and broken up into three categories—kids’
movies, DVDs and everything else. You’ve got foreign films
and TV-miniseries collections rubbing cases with black-and-white
classics from the ’20s, sprawling over four or five shelves.
The selection has grown in number and variety over the past
year, and the DVDs are beginning to flood the shelves. Maybe
best of all, the late fee is only 20 cents per day. Get there
early on Friday, because the shelves are picked over by mid-afternoon.
Best Beer Warehouse
Colvin Ave., Albany
A beer lover’s wet dream. Oliver’s Beverage has literally
hundreds of varieties of beer—from the oddest foreign microbrew
to the finest handmade domestic lagers—for sale by the six-pack
or in individual bottles. But it’s more than just a place
to discover new microbrews: Oliver’s has a list of weekly
specials, kegs and cases of Utica Club.
Best Musical Instrument Store
Route 9, Clifton Park
Parkway is the place to go if you’re into making music. Electric
and acoustic guitars, bass guitars, recording equipment, PAs,
amps, pedals, a huge selection of drums and even band instruments
can be found in this tightly packed, two-level store on Route
9. Run by owners Tom Murphy and Matt Hatfield, Parkway gets
our nod for its relaxed atmosphere, cool gear and great prices.
Don’t forget to drop off your favorite instrument for repairs
Best Community Music Store
Main St., Chatham
This small-town musical-instrument store continues to energize
and enrich its local music scene, providing a welcoming space
for musicians of all kinds, be it the scene of a casual gathering
for music lovers, a Saturday night jam session or a free street
concert, Musica continues to attract people from all over
with its unpretentious atmosphere and plentiful musical offerings.
Best Lumber Yard
Hamburg St., Schenectady
it ain’t got wood, it ain’t no good.” Can’t remember where
we heard that one, but it sure is true. Friends Lumber isn’t
the biggest store around, but it carries premium lumber at
good prices, and it’s been owned and operated by the Peters
family since 1982.
Best Garden Store/Nursery
Nursery & Greenhouses
New Scotland Road, Slingerlands
Want to fulfill your plans for an herb garden? Hoping to make
your backyard look like the cover of Gardening magazine?
Looking for the perfect gift for your green-thumbed friend?
With a lovely selection of herb and vegetable plants, hanging
baskets of flowers bursting with color, house plants, trees
and a wide variety of landscaping items, Olsen’s will provide
you with what you need to make your yard and home the envy
of the Joneses.
Set back just a little from Kenwood Avenue, before you get
to the suburban neighborhoods of Delmar, there’s a big brown
barn. Kleinke’s Farm opened for the season in early July and
boasts a wide selection of fresh fruits and vegetables that
will make you want to start eating healthy again. Go for the
sweet corn, but while you’re there, give in to temptation
and get some cherry tomatoes, sweet strawberries, just-picked
peas or green beans that are good enough to eat raw. Bring
your kids to say hi to the peacocks, ducks and bunny outside
Best Bike Shop
Madison Avenue, Albany
Whether you aspire to be the next rider wearing the yellow
jersey in the Tour de France or just want to go for a leisurely
Sunday ride around the neighborhood, the Downtube has bikes
and equipment for you. Want to try out the new mountain bike
from Trek? Take a test ride in Washington Park. Hope to be
able to fix your own flat while out riding the trails? The
Downtube offers bike maintenance classes. With a knowledgeable
staff, second-to-none service and a convenient downtown location,
the Downtube has been providing cyclists with everything they
need for more than 30 years.
Best Baby Store
Central Ave., Colonie
OK, OK—for all you parents out there that have taken a trek
to Babyland, we know that the people that work there don’t
always have, shall we say, the best cribside manner. However,
what they may lack in tact they certainly make up for in their
knowledge of baby products. Go in there and ask them any question,
from the latest car seat to the best stroller, and someone
is sure to know. Unlike chain-store baby departments staffed
with employees who don’t know the difference between a Boppy
Pillow and a Pack and Play, the people at Babyland know their
stuff. It’s not the place to bargain shop, but the store carries
many products that are difficult to find anywhere else in
Best Convenience Store
Stewart’s! Where else are you going to go when you need gas,
a six-pack and a dozen nightcrawlers? The Saratoga Springs-based
company recently opened its 300th store in West Sand Lake,
so whether you’re in the ghetto, the burbs or the boonies,
there’s probably one near you. Stewart’s sells more than half
a million cups of coffee each week, it introduced the square-folded
half-gallon ice-cream carton, and it claims that 90 percent
of its products are below supermarket prices. Despite their
chain-store status, Stewart’s stores feel like a family-owned
small business with their friendly staff, delicious hand-scooped
ice cream, self-serve coffee bar and public restrooms.
Best Comics Store
Central Ave., Albany
Earthworld has something for every comics lover, whether you’re
a computer geek or a punk-rock freak. It stocks the area’s
largest selection of alternative comics as well as run-of-the-mill
superhero titles. The staff will gladly make recommendations
if you don’t quite know what you’re looking for, and they’ll
do so without making you feel like an idiot for asking. Often
the titles they suggest are better than those that you might
have chosen for yourself. Stop by and check out a copy of
Ivan Brunetti’s Haw; it will change your life.
274 Lark Street, Albany
you know that the average person's epidermis covers two square
yards? That's a lot of open space, even for you hirsute types
who aren't exactly all blank canvas. Those of you who'd like
to spruce up that skin with something more permanent than
a suntan should look to Lark Street Tattoo. T-Bone, Don, the
newly returned Scot, and the rest of the crew take justifible
artistic pride in the work they do, as do the proud bearers
of their designs. And when you're talking permanent, pride
makes a difference. (We here at Metroland have a fair representation
of LST ink ourselves; so, if you wanna come by and check out
any of the less-intimately-placed work, feel free.
The more "personal" viewings, however, will cost
you a drink or two.)
Empire Vision Center
2. Di Napoli Opticians
2. Earl B. Feiden
2. Hamilton House
2. Barnes & Noble
2. Friar Tuck
Home Electronics Store
2. Huck Finn's
Pet Supply Store
2. Wit's End Giftique
All Star Wine & Spirits
Capital Wine & Spirits (tie)
Latham Wine & Spirits
University Wine & Liquor (tie)
Women's Clothing Store
Men's Clothing Store
Women's Shoe Store
Saratoga Shoe Depot
Nine West (tie)
Jean Paul Spa & Hair
2. Tullio Hair Studio
Gregory's Barber Shop
Sporting Goods Store
Down Tube Cycle Shop
2. Plaine's Bike Ski Snowboard
Toys R Us
2. the Toy Maker
2. Blockbuster Video
Place to Rent Porn
Deja View Video
2. Adult World
Place to People Watch
Plaza at lunch hour . . . Crossgates . . . Home Depot
. . . Saratoga Racetrack . . . River Street Club in
Troy . . . Washington Park
Place to Hook Up
My place . . . Albany rural cemetery . . . wish I knew
. . . Oh Bar . . . the automobile . . . Sheldon Silver’s
office . . . Glen Falls rest stop . . . Jillian’s .
. . 6-mile reservoir . . . internet
Place to Break Up
Her place, so I can leave . . . Where do you people
find all these relationships . . . church . . . the
cliffs at Thacher State Park . . . the phone . . . e-mail
. . . Howes Caverns . . . on a plane
Local Celebrity with Whom You Want to Have a One-Night
Alice Green . . . Kelly Lynch . . . Benita Zahn . .
. Mike Tyson . . . Ann Hughes . . . John Gray . . .
that hot black chick from Fox local news . . . Liz Bishop
. . . Brian Taffe from Capital News 9 . . . Elizabeth
Griffin . . . William Kennedy . . . Mark Quandt . .
. Rich Labutti . . . Carl Smith . . . Noah Francis .
. . Libby Pataki . . . Karen DeWitt
Jim Coyne . . . Mike Tyson . . . Katie Conway . . .
Richard Mills . . . Willie Dixon . . . Michael Boxley
. . . owner of Nick’s Sneaky Pete’s . . . Christine
Wilhelm . . . Aaron Dare . . . Davis Etkin . . . Mark
Wanda Lubinski . . . Joe Sullivan . . . Two guys who
do Fucillo ads—total jackasses . . . Rex Smith . . .
Al Jurczynski . . . Tom Moore . . . Jerry Jennings .
. . R.A. DePrima . . . Sheldon Silver . . . Martin Touhey
. . . Crossgates Mall management . . . Andre Ferraro
. . . Mike O’Brien . . . Karen Hitchcock . . . the Masucci
brothers . . . Rick Fusco . . . the guy who always wants
a dollar for pork fried rice on Lark Street . . . Troy
Police chief . . . Harry Tuntunjian
Person to Run the Capital Region After the Revolution
Tess Collins . . . Scott Ritter . . . Stephen Leon .
. . Maude Baum—you can’t fight if you’re busy dancing
. . . Dan Lynch . . . Aleph Ashline . . . Mark Mishler
. . . Al Quaglieri . . . Sarge Blotto . . . Tom Nattell
. . . Eliot Spitzer . . . Alan Chartock . . . Carla
Kept Secret in the Capital Region
It sometimes gets warm and sunny . . . River Street
in Troy . . . good pot . . . APA pool league . . . Hilary
is a lesbian . . . mass grave under the concourse .
. . WIK the movie . . . the Velmas . . . The Flying
Buttresses . . . Saratoga salt baths . . . local music
scene . . . Mexican Beauty gift shop
Use of Public Funds
Hudson River walkway . . . Albany Schools renovation
plan . . . Lark Street renovation . . . Palace renovations
. . . streetlights . . . T.R.I.P.
Misuse of Public Funds
Lark Street Tree Removal . . . bailing out Troy City
Schools, twice . . . Schenectady Police Department .
. . EnCon Building . . . mayor’s car—doesn’t he make
enough money to buy his own? . . . legislators’ salaries
. . . secret tanning . . . Hudson River Walkway . .
Way to Keep People From Leaving the Capital Region
Alcoholism . . . gay marriage made legal . . . good
schools, good theater, destroy the malls . . . build
a big wall like they did in Berlin . . . I think more
women would stay here if there were more cute guys .
. . kill them . . . more parking . . . more beer and
pretzels . . less depressed/depressing downtown Albany
. . . handcuffs . . . better cheese . . . get rid of
November through March . . . hide their keys . . . install
a beach . . . there is no more we can do, just let them
Job to Have in the Capital Region
Jerry Jennings’ tanning salon owner . . . bar owner
. . . state worker . . . security guard at Crossgates
. . . bugle player at the Saratoga Racetrack . . . construction
worker holding the flag . . . janitor at DiCarlo’s
Intersection to Get Hit While You’re Walking
Washington/Western/Central . . . Lark and Madison .
. . Lark and Central . . . Broadway and Phila streets
in Saratoga . . . State and Pearl . . . S. Manning and
New Scotland Avenue . . . Central Avenue at Wolf Road
Intersection to Get Hit While You’re Driving
787 at I-90 . . . Everett and Central . . . Lark and
Madison . . . Latham Circle . . . Western Avenue and
Rte. 155 . . . I-890 and Erie Boulevard . . . Crossgates
on-ramp at I-87 . . . Central Avenue at Wolf Road
Local Alien in Human Disguise
George E. Pataki . . . Alan Chartock . . . Ed Dague
. . . the Hitchhiking Veteran . . . Ken Bruno . . .
Rex Smith . . . Jerry Jennings . . . Mike at Metroland
. . . Kumi Tucker . . . crazy bus guy (number 12 bus)
. . . Stephen Leon . . . Elda Abate . . . R.A. DiPrima
. . . Glenn Slingerland
Time to Be Had in the Capital Region for Under $10
Indian Ladder apple picking . . . Alive at Five . .
. Larkfest . . . Nate Buccieri’s Piano Bar . . . Spectrum
8 movies . . . Fourth of July fireworks . . . gay pride
parade . . . Acoustic Trauma house parties . . . your
mom . . . Valley Cats game at the Joe . . . carousel
in the state museum