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Simple
Is Bliss
It
isn’t the money spent, or the destination reached, that makes
your wedding a day to remember
By
Laura Leon
Recently, a relative had one of those destination weddings
that have become so popular of late. At the time, there was
some grumbling among the family members, as the place the
bridal couple had chosen was one that was tricky getting to—Nantucket—and
this was before record gales caused the interruption of transportation
to and from the island. Suffice it to say, the wedding went
off, despite torrential downpours and the fact that some of
us didn’t make it. By all accounts it was beautiful and a
riotous good time, but the whole thing left me with something
of a bad taste in my mouth.
What is it about weddings these days that make couples want
to spend on their big day what could be a significant down
payment on a home, or force family and loved ones to dish
out big bucks for travel to and from said extravaganza? The
weddings I’ve heard and read about lately—and I am not talking
about celebrities, just regular folk—entail lavish gifts for
the guests, and flowers and photography that run upwards of
$10,000 each. And more and more brides are doing the Melina
Trump thing in which they have more than one gown for the
occasion.
In the quest toward achieving some sort of mini-celebrity
in their own right, these brides—and I’m going to be sexist
here and lay the blame squarely at their feet, because I can’t
imagine that there are a lot of men out there just aching
to spend significant prenuptial time discussing things like
what kind of petals the nine flower girls will pour forth
from their darling little baskets—have removed from the wedding
ceremony precisely what makes it so meaningful. In other words,
the personal, spiritual and community aspects of exchanging
vows have been replaced by one big old pig fest. At the end
of the day, one remembers the color the bridesmaids wore,
or whether the prime rib was cooked to perfection, but nothing
at all of the supposed meaning of the ceremony.
If you’re concerned that you might be going overboard in planning
your wedding, or you’d just like some ideas on how to keep
it simple, here are some suggestions. First of all, consider
who really should be at your wedding. On the one hand, you
might think of it as a party, and therefore, the more the
merrier. However, depending on your budget and your deepest
inclinations, you may wish to keep the guest list to the actual
ceremony small. Many bridal couples of late have done the
elopement followed by a big reception several weeks later,
which can be a nice choice unless said elopement removes you
from those to whom you are closest, and whose companionship
on this special day are of paramount importance.
While most people don’t live in the kinds of houses, with
the kinds of help, that make the at-home wedding and/or reception
an obvious option, I’ve heard of plenty of modern couples
who have decided to do a backyard wedding at their childhood
home. The ones of this sort that I’ve been to have been, without
exception, perfectly lovely, with a deep and underlying sense
of family. Whether the reception fare has been potluck or
a catered lunch, the mood has been convivial (especially if
it’s an outdoor wedding, since, of course, food eaten out
of doors is always so much more succulent). The money that
is saved in renting out a big hall or hotel could, for instance,
be used in setting a spectacular stage with flowers and trees,
unless you’re lucky enough to come from a family who can do
that sort of thing on their own.
Or, if you have the space, consider hiring a really great
band, the kind that really gets everybody revved up for hours
of dancing. I’m still envious of the cousin who got married
in the simple local church, then led a contingent to her grandfather’s
farm, where picnic tables were festooned with gingham tablecloths
and wild flowers, and friends helped out with barbecuing chicken
and spare ribs and grilling corn. Best of all, she chose the
kind of aforementioned band that helped to make this one of
the greatest weddings I’ve ever attended.
While I’m not suggesting that you take the cheap route—anyone
who knows me knows that’s not my style—there are ways in which
economy and simplification can be achieved with wonderful
results. For instance, why is it that we’ve been brainwashed
into thinking that 99 percent of all weddings should take
place over the weekend? Sure, I realize that people work,
but if they love you, they can take a day or two off to enjoy
your Tuesday wedding. What a nice break to the monotony of
a regular week, and, added bonus, it’s usually less expensive
to plan an event at, say, a lakeside hotel or hillside mansion
midweek as opposed to the weekend. (Your guests will also
thank you for freeing up their weekend).
Similarly, why are so many people sucked into the notion that
weddings—particularly “elegant” weddings—must be in the evening?
Granted, there are rules of dress, but it wasn’t so long ago
that one would regularly be invited to a late-morning wedding
of considerable sophistication, which would be followed by
a stately lunch or, back in the day, a wedding breakfast.
Another relative’s wedding was rather a small one, in a church,
but was followed by a festive wedding brunch at a local restaurant.
If I recall, the guests were served things like eggs benedict
and sliced ham, with juices and champagne, and, of course,
a cake. I think because of the scarcity of this kind of event
nowadays, it could be really novel, and one could finish the
day with all the guests (having changed, of course) going
hiking, ice skating, for a swim, etc.
If you and your loved one are into sailing, wouldn’t it be
exciting to have an on-the-seas (or lake or river) ceremony,
in which the cruise was part of the festivities? Or, if you’re
more into skiing, what about inviting your closest friends
and family to a romantic lodge, where you have a fireside
wedding followed by a rustic repast, and then spend the next
day or two skiing? Neither of these ideas has to entail renting
the QE2 or flying everybody to Steamboat Springs; think about
what is meaningful to you, and realize that there are so many
wonderful places and venues nearby that could make your day
spectacular to both you and your loved ones.
Obviously, the budget that you set and the choices you make
for your wedding are intensely personal. But as you prepare
for your wedding, don’t get sucked into the idea that you
have to spend so much on the flowers, or the videography,
or whatever, in order to ensure a magical, memorable event.
In the end, nobody will remember, nor will it matter, whether
you had flowers in front of each pew, or one amazing centerpiece
at the altar; what matters is that you make it the kind of
day that emphasizes and reiterates all that is most important
to you, now and going forth.
2008
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