|
Dear
Readers: A few weeks back I printed a letter from Mutilated
and Comeless (MAC), a 24-year-old who lost the head of his
penis—the glans—in a botched circumcision as an infant. MAC
hasn’t had an orgasm since he was 16 years old, and the few
women he’s slept with as an adult either didn’t notice his
condition—and the fact that he didn’t climax—or ran screaming
when they got a look at his cock. He thought getting head,
ironically enough, might help him get off, but he couldn’t
bring himself to ask anyone to suck what was left of his dick.
I was so traumatized by MAC’s predicament that I punted the
question to my readers. Tons of e-mail poured in, offering
everything from tips on varsity-level techniques that might
get MAC off to solid relationship advice from women who’ve
been there. Here’s a selection of the best e-mails:
It
surprised me when you were left without a suitable suggestion
for our poor friend MAC. As a sex-advice columnist and especially
as a gay man I thought for sure the answer would be immediate.
Though he is straight and maybe opposed to anal play, as an
unfortunate proportion of straight men are, men without regular
orgasms often become desperate creatures and do things they
normally wouldn’t. I would encourage him to go for the direct
route and find some really cool chick who’ll shove a finger
right up his ass. I know I’ve had partners come, without me
even touching their penises, when my cock, a finger, or a
toy wound up in their asses. Believe me, there are chicks
out there willing to do these things for him.
—Feeling
His Pain
I
used to work at a ritzy sex shop and occasionally would talk
to or hear about women and men with nerve damage to their
genitals. MAC’s story is a little different, but it boils
down to not being able to feel much. A common solution was
usually to combine a few toys to get the maximum effect. MAC
might want to try a masturbation sleeve. There are tons of
them out there—stores like Good Vibrations, Blowfish, Toys
in Babeland, and Grand Opening have a wide variety. By playing
around with a sleeve and his prostate he may be able to get
off.
—Trying
to Help the Comeless
MAC
should try a technique independent of penile stimulation to
achieve an (often even more powerful) orgasm, one that has
been used to pleasure paraplegic males for many years: milking
the prostate.
—Now
Enjoying Milked Orgasms
MAC’s
problem can be solved by everyone’s best friend: drugs! Maybe
experimenting with Viagra and the like, and possibly Wellbutrin
(an antidepressant that increases sex drive, and sometimes
enhances sex) could help MAC reach orgasm.
—Drug
Lover
MAC
should see a physician. A urologist may help, but a plastic
surgeon specializing in gender reassignment may be ideal.
During gender reassignment surgery, the head of the penis
is converted to a clit or vice versa, so these surgeons have
a lot of experience working with and preserving the relevant
nerves and tissues. This guy (randomly found on the Web) may
be worth chatting up: www.altermd.com. At the very least,
the photos on his site are educational.
—Happy
to Help
Something
I’ve recently taken an interest in might be the answer for
MAC: electro-stimulation. There are units that you can buy
that use electrodes to “zap” the sensitive bits of the body.
One setup I’ve seen involves a ring that encircles the base
of the penis and another that goes around the shaft. By all
accounts, the pleasure derived can be extremely intense, because
it provides such a direct stimulation of the nerves. In some
cases men can achieve orgasm in seconds with this setup.
—Withhold
My Name
If
I knew and liked MAC and wanted to have sex with him, his
mutilated condition would certainly not alter my decision,
and I would be more than willing to provide lengthy oral sex
sessions in the hopes of making the poor guy come—assuming
I had been forewarned, that is. MAC doesn’t say whether or
not he informs his sex partners about his penis before they
get a chance to actually see it; he even mentions that women
sometimes find out about it after sex, which leads me to believe
he doesn’t tell them ahead of time. It must be very awkward
to bring something like that up, and doing so might deprive
him of some sexual opportunities, but eventually he’ll meet
a woman who hasn’t forgotten the goddamn golden rule, and
when he tells her, she’ll happily suck away at his dick until
she makes him come.
—Do
Unto Others
My
boyfriend is in his early 30s and completely impotent due
to diabetes and a genetic heart condition. His penis is still
very sensitive and he loves to have it sucked, but it’s never
more than slightly firmish. There is nothing he can do about
it, his heart just doesn’t work so dick doesn’t get hard anymore.
We messed around the night we met and he knocked my socks
off by eating my pussy in ways that were just amazing. He
wore me out! On the phone calls and in e-mails, he won me
over with his wonderful personality. He sent me sweet e-mails
and did everything right. Then about three weeks into our
relationship, he told me about his dick, and while I was a
little hesitant, I sucked it and saw how happy it made him
even though it wasn’t rock hard. He had been making me happy
(sexually and other ways) for a while and I was excited to
make him happy. Now I don’t care that his dick isn’t Sgt.
Rock. If I need to be fucked, he has a wonderful strap-on
we bought together that he loves to use on me.
So my advice for MAC is this: Learn how to eat pussy and eat
it well. Buy books, ask around. Maybe you could practice on
a few supportive and open-minded female friends. By the time
you show your next girlfriend your dick, she’ll already adore
you so much she’ll be willing to work with you. And if someone
is really grossed out or put off by it and won’t suck you
off, dump the bitch. That’s what my boyfriend used to do.
Eventually you’ll hit pay dirt.
—Happy
in Madison
I
have incredible sympathy for MAC. I’m a transsexual man (formerly
a woman), and can identify because I have no dick. I could
not fathom entering the dating scene and dealing with vapid
people who give two shits about what’s between your legs.
Luckily, I have a loving, compassionate GF who doesn’t care
that I don’t have a cock. We make do with what we’ve got,
and despite it all we share a strong, understanding love.
So my advice for MAC is to keep searching. Someone out there
won’t be repulsed by his dick and will be willing to put in
time and effort and love to get him off. Anyone who runs away
is not worth it anyway. Remember that, MAC.
—C.
J.
mail@savagelove.net
|
Columns
& Opinions
