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I
am a 19-year-old guy with a problem. When I was 15, I was
a lonely virgin who had never even kissed a girl. My sister,
who is a year younger than me, had never had a boyfriend.
One day we started talking about this and we decided to practice
kissing on each other. To make a long story short, it wasn’t
long before practicing kissing became practicing heavy petting
and then oral sex and then real sex. Since I’ve been at college,
I have managed to hook up with a couple girls. But I’ve gotten
into such a habit with my sister that none of them can please
me the way she does. When I come home for holidays we have
sex at least a couple of times.
This is not a letter about incest. It was experimentation,
not a fetish for incest, that brought this about. And we will
break it off whenever one of us finds something better. But
after being with someone who knows you sexually to the extent
that we know each other, how can you just shake that off and
start all over again with someone else?
—Sister
Is Sexier
Before
I get to your problem, SIS, a shout-out to Sen. Rick Santorum
(R-Vatican City). Two weeks and 4,000 news cycles ago, Santorum
told the Associated Press that he doesn’t believe Americans
have a right to privacy. For the sake of the eternally imperiled
American family, Santorum urged the Supreme Court to uphold
Texas’ same-sex-only sodomy law. “If the Supreme Court says
that you have a right to consensual sex within your home,”
said Santorum, “then you have the right to bigamy, you have
the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have
the right to adultery. You have the right to anything.”
I’m running your letter, SIS, to illustrate a point for Rick,
a regular reader of my column: SIS and his sister weren’t
exactly hanging back waiting for the Supreme Court to OK same-sex
sodomy before they got down to some opposite-sex incest. Striking
down an insulting, discriminatory, unconstitutional law will
not, as Santorum fears, open the doors to incest, adultery,
bigamy and bestiality. Straight people blew those doors off
their hinges long, long ago. And as the New Republic
pointed out, adultery is already legal in some places—like
Texas. Bestiality is also legal in Texas. So is straight buttfucking.
It’s only gay sex that Texas prohibits. Which hardly seems
fair.
Back to you, SIS: Since you claim your letter isn’t about
incest, I’ll leave the incest issue alone. But first I gotta
say that your letter is a perfect illustration of an argument
I made against incest in this space a few years back: Since
most of what we regard as “civilization” is an elaborate mating
ritual—desperate attempts to attract, impress and bed people
we’re not already related to (see Trump, Donald)—we’d still
be living in caves if it weren’t for the incest taboo. If
everyone got it at home, SIS, no one would ever leave the
house.
So how do you break the sister habit? With the exception of
the sibling thing, your letter reads like a lot of other letters
we get here at Savage Love. “But after being with someone
who knows you sexually to the extent that we know each other,
how can you just shake that off and start all over again with
someone else?” I hear that all the time from folks who are
fucking their exes. They broke up, but the sexual connection
is so good that they keep getting it on. Like you, SIS, they
tell me they fully intend to break it off when they find someone
better. But what incentive does someone have to do the hard
work of finding someone better if he’s getting the best he
ever got from his ex? So my advice for you is the same as
my advice for the ex-fuckers: Go cold turkey, be miserable,
be alone. Then you’ll have an incentive to search for a new,
more appropriate sex partner. The sex may not be as awesome
at first but it can get awesome with a little effort.
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I
have a teenage stepdaughter. Although the relationship with
my wife has been long-term, I don’t have a father-daughter
relationship with my stepdaughter. As you can probably guess,
my problem is that my stepdaughter has turned out sexy as
hell and I’m attracted to her. While I would never act on
my attraction, I’m wondering how much free reign I should
give my fantasies. Should I try not to think about her in
a sexual way? If I shouldn’t think about her sexually, how
the hell do I do that? Just to keep it interesting, how wrong
is the occasional surreptitious panty sniffing?
—Sexually
Tempted, Eager Pop Drools And Disgusts
I
feel obligated to advise you not to think of your stepdaughter
in a sexual way, STEPDAD, just as you felt obligated to suggest
that option. But let’s cut the bullshit, shall we? You can’t
stop yourself from fantasizing about your stepdaughter, however
inappropriate those fantasies are, anymore than I can stop
myself from fantasizing about sticking my foot in Rick Santorum’s
ass.
So you go right ahead and fantasize—but my God, man, leave
her panties alone. Sniffing her panties is not a fantasy,
STEPDAD, it’s an act. And since home is the only place you
have access to her panties, whenever you sniff them there’s
a chance, however slight, that your wife or your stepdaughter
will catch you. You simply can’t run that risk. While it’s
important to refrain from fucking your stepdaughter’s brains
out, it’s equally important—no, wait. It’s not equally important.
It’s actually nowhere near as important. But it’s still important—let’s
say “very important”—to protect your stepdaughter from the
realization that you’re even remotely interested in fucking
her brains out.
I
must be the only 15-year-old that’s into watersports. I haven’t
been able to explore my kink and it’s frustrating. How am
I supposed to find someone between the ages of 15 and 18 who
is willing to get me off the way I want to get off?
—Probably
Ignorant, Stupid Sodomite
Here’s
a message for all you kinky 15-year-olds out there: Enough
already. Stop sending me letters about how hard it is to meet
people who share your passion for piss or feet or she-males
or BDSM or whatever. Not being able to find someone at 15
who shares your kink is not some horrible injustice. That’s
the way it is for all teenagers—gay, straight, kinky, vanilla,
whatever. Very few 15-year-olds get laid at all—or should
get laid at all—much less get to have their wildest fantasies
fulfilled.
So, PISS, my advice for you is the same as my advice for FAG,
the wanna-be sex slave: You’re just going to have to wait.
And by “wait” I don’t mean “wait until you’re legal.” I mean
you’re going to have to wait until you’ve passed out of your
no-apartment-of-your-own, no-credit-cards, no-clue stage—a
stage most people don’t finally pass out of until they’re
almost 25.
mail@savagelove.net
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