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When
I was in the ninth and 10th grades I had no friends and I
felt alone. When I entered the 11th grade I started to hang
with “cool” kids. Before school let out last summer some of
my friends came over to my house for a party. My uncle and
his boyfriend showed up and my so-called friends started to
rag on them about being gay. My uncle is not one to let things
go, so he put my friends in their place. Some of my friends
decided to tell their parents that my uncle came on to them
and was trying to do other stuff. Their parents came to my
house and talked to my parents about what had supposedly happened.
My father asked me what happened, and I lied and sided with
my friends. My father did not believe that his brother would
do something like that, but my mother believed me.
Now things are out of control. The other kids’ parents went
to the police and an investigation was done. Now they want
my uncle up on those sites that list pedophiles. My mother
is not talking to my father because he sided with his brother
instead of with her and me and my friends. What do I do now?
If I tell the truth, my “friends” will make things bad for
at school this year and my parents will never trust me again.
And how do I make it up to my uncle?
—Distraught
Nephew
The
short version: Tell your mother, your father and the police
the truth.
The long version: Telling the truth is going to cost you some
“friends,” and you’ll probably have a bad year at school.
But you know what? There are lots of kids at your school having
bad years for much less important reasons or for no reason
at all. Your bad year will at least have some purpose: You’ll
be suffering so that your uncle won’t be punished for a crime
he didn’t commit. That’s honorable, don’t you think?
Now if you don’t tell the truth, DN, you’re going to suffer
worse things than a bad social life senior year. Keeping your
mouth shut while your uncle is forced to register as a sex
offender (for the rest of his life!) so that you can stay
on the good side of a bunch of malicious little shits—excuse
me, a bunch of “cool” kids—that you won’t ever see again after
you graduate isn’t a recipe for lasting peace of mind. Popularity
in the 12th grade is not worth betraying a family member,
and living with the knowledge that you ruined someone else’s
life will ruin your own life. I mean, you’ve heard of guilt,
haven’t you?
As for your parents, you can win back their trust; I suspect
that even your uncle will eventually forgive you. You’re not
the first kid your age who did something stupid/despicable
to get in good with the cool kids in high school. If you come
clean and then refrain in the future from falsely accusing
other family members of crimes they didn’t commit, they will
forgive you.
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Help!
My best friend is being trapped by his lame girlfriend! They
have been together three months, and a couple of days ago
he tells me that she’s pregnant and that they are keeping
the baby! My friend (call him “Terry”) is a great guy: intelligent,
talented, funny and good-looking. His girlfriend, who we will
call “Maisy,” is a complete drag. She’s going absolutely nowhere
in life and has no aspirations. She’s not very bright or attractive
and has all the personality of a wet rock. So here’s the deal:
Terry is planning to drop out of school once the baby is born!
Terry is book smart, but lacks common sense, and that is usually
where I come in. When he explained the situation to me there
were a couple of things that didn’t jive. Number one: Maisy
waited until she missed two periods before she even
took a pregnancy test. And number two: Even though they were
having sex on a regular basis, she refused to go on the pill.
Again, it doesn’t make any sense. To me, the signs point to
a trap, but I’m afraid that Terry can’t see this!
We have been close friends for a long time and even though
all of the evidence is there, I am very reluctant to bring
it to his attention. I’m afraid that he will refuse to see
the obvious and in turn resent me for being the bearer of
bad news. My boyfriend says that I should just let this one
go and let him learn from his own bad decisions, but I have
always been honest with him when I feel he is making a bad
choice—and this one is for life. How do you tell your best
friend that his girlfriend is trying to drag him down?
—Friend
of a Victim
Your
best friend is an idiot—someone needs to tell him that.
His wet rock of a girlfriend may have intended to “trap” him
by getting pregnant, FOAV, but your best friend fucked the
wet rock without protection. Pregnancy, as your college-educated
friend must have known, is a potential consequence of heterosexual
intercourse. He fucked her anyway, and . . . now he’s fucked.
She may have intended to trap him but, at the end of the day,
he trapped himself. I’m with your boyfriend, FAOV: Keep your
mouth shut. If the wet rock intends to keep the baby, well,
then your friend is thoroughly screwed, and nothing you can
say will change anything. Convincing your best friend that
he walked into a trap won’t get him out of making child support
payments or make this kid any less his responsibility.
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I’m
a 21-year-old woman. My boyfriend likes to dress up in women’s
lingerie. At first, I went along with it because it didn’t
seem like a big deal. Then he got more and more into it and
the more he seemed to like it, the more it creeped me out.
I got less receptive and he stopped bringing it up. Well,
I just found pictures on the digital camera we share that
he took of himself in some nasty lingerie that I wouldn’t
wear.
I’m troubled, Dan. We’ve been together for several years and
have talked marriage. I really wouldn’t want one of my future
kids to stumble upon what I did today. It doesn’t seem like
he’s willing to give this stuff up. I’ve suggested to him
before that we should leave this whole lingerie thing in the
“things we tried” category, but that doesn’t appear to have
worked. Any advice would be appreciated since I can’t tell
anyone I know about this.
—Enough’s
Enough Woman
For
a fetishist, EEW, enough is never enough. A man who’s turned
on by cross-dressing will always be turned on by cross-dressing.
Fetishes can’t be wished away, nor can they be filed under
“things we tried.” Don’t you get it? Your boyfriend’s fetish
makes his dick hard, and a hard dick is an almost irresistible
incentive. When it comes to a harmless fetish like cross-dressing,
there’s no good reason why your boyfriend should deny himself
this pleasure. You don’t like it? Well, tough. He’s not asking
you to do it anymore. If you can’t stand the idea of being
with a someone who has this fetish, EEW, even if its something
he does on his own time, then you need to do the nice, responsible,
grown-up thing and break up with him already.
mail@savagelove.net
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