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My
two roommates are in the same frat. Roommate A and his GF
have been going out for about a year. Roommate A is a great
guy, but maybe a bit too nice: Recently, his GF cheated on
him and he forgave her. Her infidelity did not come as a surprise
to the rest of us. When she’s drunk, she acts inappropriately.
She gets touchy and says suggestive things—it’s way beyond
friendly flirting.
Anyway, Roommate B came into my room the other night and confessed
that, a week or so before Roommate A’s GF cheated on him,
she propositioned another member of his fraternity—let’s call
him OG (Other Guy)—while Roommate A was away. Before she started
going out with Roommate A, GF and OG fucked. So she ran into
OG that night and flat-out told OG that she wanted to fuck
him. OG refused, to his credit, and relayed the story to Roommate
B, but swore him to secrecy.
Is it my place to tell Roommate A about his GF’s behavior?
I don’t know OG well enough to tell him to tell Roommate A,
and Roommate B won’t tell Roommate A. Everyone agrees that
it’s a fucked-up situation. I mean, no one really knows how
many times GF has fucked around on my roommate. What’s your
take?
—Friend
Really Over Strumpet’s Treachery
All
you’ve got, FROST, is hearsay—what Roommate B told you about
what OG told him about Roommate A’s GF—and hearsay isn’t admissible
in court. But this isn’t a trial, it’s a friendship, and sometimes
friendship requires us to pass along hearsay and/or highly
credible gossip.
What’s that lovely saying that sometimes drops from the oh-so-fuckable
mouths of frat boys? Oh, yes: Bros before hos. Usually
I find that phrase offensive and misogynistic, FROST, but
in this instance it applies.
Tell Roommate A what you know. If his GF is making passes
at everything on campus with a cock, Roommate A has a right
to know for his own health and safety. His GF also needs to
learn a valuable lesson: She’s got to set up her cheatin’
game—fuck people outside of her boyfriend’s social circle,
for starters—if she intends to cheat on all the men she’s
with over the course of her life. Getting her ass dumped for
sloppy technique in college will help her get her cheating
act together by the time she marries some poor bastard.
And finally, FROST, there’s a chance—an outside one—that Roommate
A already knows and doesn’t care, either because he and GF
have an open relationship or he’s turned on by his girlfriend
“cheating” on him. If Roommate A doesn’t dump his GF after
you break the news, FROST, you’re not obligated to inform
him about any other trouble his GF gets into. Rest assured,
she’s telling him all about it while he fucks her senseless.
I’m in my mid-20s and recently started sleeping with
a coworker who is in his late 40s. The sex is incredibly hot,
but last time I spontaneously called him “Daddy,” and then
he started in with “You’ve been a very bad girl” stuff—and
it really turned us on. Afterward, we were a little freaked
by the idea that we were basically evoking the image of a
father abusing his daughter. Is this as creepy as it seems?
—Phreaked
In Phoenix
The
power imbalance built into an affair with a much older coworker
weighed on both your minds until—ta da!—out popped daddy/girl
stuff while you were fucking. So do you want to fuck your
actual dad now, PIP? Does he want to fuck his actual daughters,
if he has any? If the answer to both these questions is “no,”
then this isn’t a problem. Remember, PIP: He’s not your daddy;
he’s a daddy.
For four years I’ve been dating a gal who is freaking
amazing in almost every way. The other 10 percent of the time
she’s the worst human I’ve ever met: super-violent, super-dishonest.
(She tells our friends that I beat her to cover up for her
violence toward me!) I’ve tried communicating, but she gets
angry if I try to talk about it. I know I can either accept
it or break up with her, but I was hoping you’d have a better
answer. Any ideas? She’s far superior to most humans I’ve
met in every other regard and I want to spend the rest of
my life with her.
—Sick
Of Getting Beaten Up
Break
up with her now, SOGBU. Or, fuck, spend the rest of
your life with this monster if she’s that wonderfuckingful—but
go in with both (black) eyes open. Being with her means being
abused. You would be a fool to stay with her, under the circumstances.
But it’s your call, fool.
Oh, and a woman who will tell your friends that you beat her
will one day tell the same lie to the police, SOGBU. Just
so you know.
A while back, I discovered my fiancé was having an affair,
so we broke up. Maybe I should have laid down specific ground
rules when we got back together, but I still felt betrayed
when I found out that he was in regular contact with the Other
Woman. I avoid social gatherings that I know the Other Woman
will be at, but my fiancé goes without me. He knows I hate
it, but he guilts me about not trusting him. I’ve even seen
her name in his e-mail inbox. (I wasn’t deliberately spying—we
share the same computer.) Am I wrong to feel insecure or is
my fiancé being insensitive?
—Going
On Paranoid
Your
fiancé cheated, GOP, so the onus is on him to avoid, within
reason, doing things that make you feel insecure. Hanging
out with the OW, e-mailing the OW, chatting with the OW at
parties—he shouldn’t be doing any of that crap out of simple
consideration for your feelings. If you’re going to marry
him, you have to forgive him and trust him. But he has to
avoid doing things that give you more cause to mistrust him
than he’s given you already.
And, finally, he has the nerve to guilt you? He sounds
like a manipulative, selfish jerk, GOP—which are the warning
signs of a habitual, serial cheater. Are you sure you wanna
marry this douche?
Your recent columns about men, women, weight, attraction,
and honesty were incredible. As a strong feminist, I know
women overwhelmingly bear the brunt of sexism in our society,
but I feel that the ways that sexism affects men, and how
this code is maintained by social relationships between other
men as well as women, are often marginalized. Sexism affects
us all in some way and this week’s column did a nail-on-the-head
job showcasing how all men are negatively affected by sexist
patterns. Understanding and accounting for gendered interactions
between all people helps undermine patriarchy because the
roles we as a society impose on one of the two hegemonic sexes
are diametrically opposed in the other. Great job.
—Feminism
Is Great Healthy Thought
I
don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, FIGHT, but
thanks for sharing. For more letters about men, women, weight,
attraction, and honesty go to www.thestranger.com/savage/hard2.
Download
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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