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I’ve
been with my guy for almost eight years. He wants sex way
more often than I do, but I don’t want it because I’m not
attracted to his 80-pounds-overweight body. The one time I
gently broke it to him why my libido was low, he acted really
hurt and didn’t sleep with me for a few weeks. He didn’t go
on a diet either. I can tell he feels occasionally guilty
by the way he orders diet soda to go with his greasy fast
food.
I’ve tried convincing him that I want him to be “healthy”
so he’ll feel better and live longer, tried cooking healthy
food at home, tried getting him interested in exercising several
different ways. It’s not working. This isn’t vanity weight,
he is clinically obese.
The next time he chides me for having no sex drive or not
initiating sex enough, do I tell him bluntly?
—Wanting
A Hot Husband
Women!
You’re all alike! You judge men on our bodies alone! You see
us as these pieces of meat that exist only to turn you on.
I mean, take WAHH here. Did she fall in love with the person
who is her husband, or did she fall in love with a body? Does
she love him for what’s on the inside or what he is on the
outside?
You know, WAHH, it’s women like you that drive men and boys
to stick their fingers down their throats. In malls all over
America you can see teenage boys who are literally starving
themselves to death—walking skeletons!—because of attitudes
like yours. Having their looks constantly and critically assessed
by females causes young boys to confuse their self-worth with
their waist sizes! For shame!
Hee-haw, just kidding. But that’s the raft of shit straight
men get when they dare to complain about their wives blowing
up like cement trucks in Tikrit. My position has always been
this: We marry people because we’re attracted to them emotionally
and physically. When a person, male or female, chooses
to radically alter his or her physical form, he/she can’t
complain when his/her spouse’s feelings for him/her alter
radically.
My advice, WAHH: Level with your husband. You have a right
to expect/demand that your husband won’t double in size every
10 years. He needs to know that he’s succeeded in making himself
repulsive to you, and that’s why you’re not interested in
sex. Cruel? Perhaps. You can take some of the sting out of
it by using those magical “I” statements. “It’s not you, honey,
it’s me. I find you repulsive and I would like you to lose
some weight. Or I ain’t putting out.”
I have a coworker who appears to have some type of padding
in his trousers. Not in the front, so as to make his penis
look larger, but all around—front, back, sides. Some days
he comes to work appearing slim and trim, but on random days
he comes in wearing much larger slacks, which appear to be
“stuffed” with something. It is obvious to everyone at the
office.
The padding doesn’t appear to be an adult undergarment. Recent
improvements have made those much more difficult to detect.
The stuffing/padding is bulkier than a Depend. Over time (several
years) the padding has gone up and down in size. There are
female coworkers who have complained that he tends to try
and rub against them when he’s wearing his padded/stuffed
trousers. I know that many adults enjoy wearing diapers, but
I’m wondering whether you know of any other fetish that involves
stuffing or padding trousers.
—Need
Answers Pertaining Perverted Yearnings
He’s
wearing diapers under his trousers, NAPPY, without a doubt.
The varying degrees of bulk, or stuffedness, that you’ve noticed
is most likely the result of his wearing different types of
diapers. A Depend may be more discreet, but no ambitious diaper
fetishist is going to be satisfied wearing only a Depend day
after day. Some days he may not wear diapers, some days he
may wear something discreet like a Depend, and some days he
apparently comes to work in bulkier diapers. There’s also
the disturbing possibility that on some days his diapers are
empty and other times they’re full.
Oh, and speaking of disturbing: Folks who were upset to learn
in a recent installment of Savage Love that some people like
to “leave behind” erotically charged ephemera for others to
stumble across—like, say, the guy who leaves a smidge of his
come on his friends’ toothbrushes—might want to skip the rest
of this response. It seems that a man in Dallas, Texas, was
arrested for . . . for sprinkling—oh, Christ, I can’t bring
myself to type what comes next, so I’ll just copy and paste
from the Team 4 News report: “A Dallas cab driver is in big
trouble for getting caught on tape sprinkling dried feces
on pastries. Forty-nine-year-old Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh is
on trial for allegedly throwing fecal matter on pastries at
a Fiesta grocery store. Police said they found a pile of human
feces by his bed. He would dry it [and] grate it up with a
cheese grater and then sprinkle it at the store, officials
said.”
It’s the bit about the cheese grater that lifts this story
out of the horror camp and plops it down in the mind-numbingly-horrifying-puking-
nightmare camp. Will any one us ever be able to shake the
mental image of Behrouz sitting in his apartment contentedly
grating his dried crap? And, more importantly, will any one
of us ever eat from a self-serve pastry case ever again?
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STRAIGHT RIGHTS UPDATE: There were two disturbing developments
in the battle over straight rights last week. First, we know
that Target fills its ads with dancing, multi-culti hipsters
giving off a tolerant, urbanist vibe and runs hipster-heavy
ad campaigns positioning Target as a slightly more expensive,
more progressive alternative to Wal-Mart. Well, as John Aravosis
revealed on Americablog.org last week, Target’s politics are
as red as their bulls-eye logo. The chain allows its pharmacists
to refuse to dispense birth control and emergency contraception
to female customers if the pharmacist objects on religious
grounds. What’s worse, the company claims that any of its
employees have a right to discriminate against any of its
customers provided the discrimination is motivated by an employee’s
religious beliefs. Read all about it at www.americablog.org
and www.plannedparenthood.org.
Second, more troubling news from Tucson, Arizona, where a
20-year-old rape victim called dozens of pharmacies in town
before she found one that stocked emergency contraception
(EC). “When she finally did find a pharmacy with it, she said
she was told the pharmacist on duty would not dispense it
because of religious and moral objections,” reported the Arizona
Daily Star. Emergency contraception, the story continued,
“prevents pregnancy by stopping ovulation, fertilization,
or implantation of a fertilized egg. The sooner the emergency
contraception is taken after intercourse, the more effective
it is.”
Don’t just sit there, heteros. Defend your rights! Don’t shop
at Target, and write ’em and tell them why you’re going elsewhere.
(Go to Target.com and click on “contact us,” then “Target
Corporation.”) As for Fry’s Pharmacy in Tucson, the shop that
wouldn’t dispense EC to a freakin’ rape victim, the fundamentalist
pharmacist claims its her “right” not to do her fucking job.
Well, you have a right to free speech. Call Fry’s at (520)
323-2695 and ask them why the fuck a pharmacy that won’t dispense
EC keeps the drug in stock. Do they do it just to torment
rape victims? (“Oh yeah, we’ve got EC—but you can’t have any.
Don’t you know that Jesus wants you to bear your rapist’s
child?”) Rise up, straight people, and demand your rights!
mail@savagelove.net
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