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I’m
a 27-year-old female who started teaching high-school freshmen
three years ago when I was 23. I was closer in age/culture
to most of my students than I was to the other teachers. That
first year I bonded with a lot of the students; in particular
with a small group of boys that were on the basketball team
I coached. A couple of these boys developed normal crushes
on me—as any horny teenager would have on a mildly attractive
teacher. Since they were 14, I would laugh off their advances
by jokingly telling them to “ask again when you’re 18.”
Well, these boys are now seniors and as their 18th birthdays
approach they have taken to reminding me of what I used to
say. I know I should laugh off these advances and see the
shy, innocent boys that they were when we first met instead
of the hot, virile men I have watched them grow into over
the last three years. But we’re talking varsity swimmer and
soccer player hot, Dan. Hot enough to put up with the
gossip that would seep through this small community. And it’s
not just physical attraction—these model-quality guys have
killer personalities too.
I have maintained professional and appropriate relationships
with these boys over the years. But what about once they’re
legal and out of school? It seems like 27-year-old men hook
up with 18-year-old girls all the time, while middle-aged
men drool over the Olsen twins. Why can’t I make an 18-year-old’s
dream come true?
—Tempted
Teach
Without
a doubt there are lots of reasons I would make a terrible
high-school teacher, but high up on the list would be my refusal
to play along with our cultural schizophrenia when it comes
to attractive 18-year-olds. The same culture that holds up
teenagers or might-as-well-be teenagers as the beauty ideal—from
Katie “Grin and Bear It” Holmes to Jude “Sexiest Man Alive”
Law—penalizes anyone who admits to actually finding hot, legal
18-year-olds attractive. My refusal to pretend that hot 18-year-olds
aren’t (1) often hot, and (2) fair game would no doubt cause
a scandal at whatever high school was stupid enough to employ
me. So it’s probably for the best that I’m not a high-school
teacher. Instead I have a job that allows me to be honest
with my employers about why I took a day off last week to
watch 19-year-old Spanish tennis star/superbabe Rafael Nadal
win the French Open.
But while I won’t condemn you wanting to fuck the living shit
out of a pack of totally hot, completely legal, soon-to-be-former
students, TT, I don’t think you should do it. Here’s why:
You live in a small town and you like your job. When word
gets out—and those boys won’t be able to resist telling their
friends—your school will find a reason to fire you. School
administrators in these litigious times aren’t going to look
the other way while a teacher bangs her former students. They’re
going to assume, perhaps rightly, that any teacher banging
18-year-old grads today may be banging 17-year-old juniors
a few years down the road. At the very least they’ll worry,
perhaps rightly, that you invested years in grooming these
boys and that you’ll set your sights on a fresh crop of 14-year-olds.
And if you ever did get caught fucking a 16-year-old current
student, your bosses know they’ll be fired too if it gets
out that they knew you had slept with former students in the
past, even if they were recent grads of legal age.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I think it’s totally
fine for hot 27-year-old women to sleep with hot 18-year-old
guys. If they’re old enough to go get limbs blown off in Iraq,
they’re old enough to get blown stateside. But sleeping with
18-year-old former students carries too many professional
risks, TT, for me to give my blessing.
But let’s say I got a letter from a 27-year-old high-school
teacher who was spending a couple of weeks in, say, Cancun,
where she met some recent high-school grads who were totally
hot and totally legal and totally not her former students.
I would definitely tell that teacher to fuck those boys’ brains
out—and send me the video—so long as she observed the Campsite
Rule. Older folks who mess around with younger folks have
a special duty, TT, and it is to leave ’em in better shape
than they found ’em. You don’t make babies, you don’t give
’em diseases, you don’t lead ’em to believe that anything
lasting is going to come of this. You answer their questions,
correct any misconceptions they may have about sex, show them
where the clit is, make sure they know that birth control
is their job too, and you impress upon them the importance
of being good, giving, and game.
Are you with me, TT? There are ways you can scratch your itch
for a guy, or a few guys, or a few dozen guys, who are varsity
swimmer/soccer player/Spanish tennis star hot without
risking your job. I mean, you get to go on spring break too,
right?
I
can’t ask my doctor about this one, and hope you and your
specialists can help. I am a crossdresser currently going
through feminization training with an Internet Mistress. We
are about to embark on a simulation of my getting my period.
This will require that I use tampons for several days. I know
of toxic shock syndrome (TSS) and the requirement to change
tampons frequently, but are the risks greater for anal use
of tampons?
Looking at various Web sites, it’s clear there are lots of
sissies doing this. I want to be sexually smart and not harm
myself. Please help.
—Pre-Menstrual
Sissy
First,
a medical opinion: “A search of the medical literature turns
up nothing to guide us,” says Dr. Barak Gaster, Savage Love’s
long-suffering medical go-to guy. While there are no cases
of death from men putting tampons up their butts, Dr. Gaster
nevertheless thinks it’s a bad idea. “I’d still be worried
about constipation from excessively dry stool or the tampon
getting lost up there,” he says. “So, even though there’s
not much risk of infection, I’d still recommend he wear pads
instead.”
Now, a sex-advice columnist’s opinion: Isn’t inflicting a
little discomfort the whole reason your Mistress is ordering
you to shove tampons up your ass? If you get constipated,
take some Ex-Lax; if you lose a one up there, you’ll just
have to ask a doc to dig it out for you. The relatively small
risk of constipation or a humiliating visit to your proctologist’s
office shouldn’t keep you from following your Mistress’s orders,
PMS. Do it, sissy.
Are
you ever going to run the column you promised with advice
for gay and lesbian 15-year-olds? I’m a gay high-school junior
and I’m dying for the advice people wished they had when they
were my age.
—Colin
Tune
in next week, Colin, for all the advice a 15-year-old gay
kid could ever need.
In other gay news: Last week the pope condemned divorce, masturbation,
birth control, in vitro fertilization, living together before
marriage, and same-sex marriage. According to Bennie, all
of the above add up to “anarchic freedom.” The headlines the
next day? “Pope Condemns Gay Marriage as ‘Anarchy.’” The headlines
should have read something like this: “Pope Condemns Majority
of American Heterosexuals for Private Sexual Conduct, also
Gay Marriage.”
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