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Dear
Readers: I’m proud to finally present my long-delayed column
devoted to advice for 15-year-old girls. What do the women
who read Savage Love know now that they wish they’d known
when they were 15? You can read all about it below.
But before I open the girl-power spigot, I wanna get two things
off my chest: First, Ratzinger? Ratzinger! Jesus Fucking Christ.
Ratzinger. Second: Someone has to tell Alex Smith, the National
Football League’s new star quarterback, to stop plucking his
damn eyebrows. You look like a drag queen, Alex, not a football
hero. It’s one thing for a straight guy to shave his chest,
go pubeless, or shave a unibrow in two. But sculpting your
eyebrows into delicate little arches is so faggy that even
faggy fags like me think you look like a fag. Knock it off.
Okay, on to the female empowerment . . .
Here’s a pearl of wisdom I wish someone had shared with me:
Just because a guy wants to fuck you doesn’t necessarily mean
he likes you. Sounds painfully obvious, doesn’t it? I was
in my 20s before I finally figured it out.
—Now
I Know
It’s
amazing how quickly a condom appears when you make it quite
clear it ain’t going in there without one.
—Stand
Firm
Your
“no death grip” advice for 15-year-old boys is right on, but
the same goes for girls. Too much, too hard, too monotonous
masturbation is bad, bad, bad. If a girl is fortunate enough
to have a vibrator, she should not constantly use it
on a jackhammer speed in one place. Vibrators and fingers
don’t feel like tongues, dicks, or other toys. Variety. I
can’t say it enough.
—ES
All
“girls” have to do to “get guys” is make a half-assed effort
to take care of themselves physically and the pigs will come
to slop!
—Common
Sense
My
advice for the 15-year-old girl:
1. You don’t need a guy to have an orgasm. Get a vibrator
and use it.
2. Any sexual encounter should be entered into joyfully and
without duress. No coercion.
3. Do what you love, and you will find someone who loves the
same thing. Don’t look for love, beg for love, or suffer for
love. Just live.
4. If you have to get drunk to have fun, it’s not fun.
5. Giggling and self-conscious simpering do not make people
think you are in college.
—RockBridge
I
wish I’d known when I was 15 that dating older men does not
mean you are hot shit; it means you’re dating a dude who can’t
get women his own age, and that those women are avoiding him
for good reasons.
—Karen
L.
The
outgoing, macho-acting, good-looking guys you’re attracted
to will treat you like crap. The quiet, nerdy, smart, and
bookish guys you are not attracted to will treat you like
gold. But you may have to seek and draw them out, as they
are usually shy.
—CJB
I
wish I knew when I was 15 that I was a lesbian. I had a lot
of sloppy guy kisses/fucks before I realized there was a reason
I never enjoyed them. My suggestion to GAL is to not rule
out the possibility that she may one day turn out gay like
I did. Besides, most 15-year-old boys don’t know what a clit
is anyway.
—Amy
W.
What
do I know now that I wish I knew then? I realized that guys
are easy. Incredibly, excessively, tremendously easy.
Don’t be coy, don’t drop hints—they can barely handle that
when they’re adults, let alone teenagers. Go up and ask him
out. Simple as that. Really.
—Karen
Masturbate
frequently, make out occasionally, read lots of books, and
work on being funny, intelligent, and confident. Concentrating
on being a well-rounded girl who knows where she’s going and
what she wants out of life, GAL, will ensure that as a grown
woman you have your pick of the highest quality men. Also,
keep in mind that nice nerdy boys are usually far better lovers
than jocks or bad-boy types.
—Barbara
I’m
23, and I wish I had known this simple truism eight years
ago: Sometimes, men lie. Even if you two are in love, even
if he truly understands you, even if you tell him all your
secrets, sometimes he’ll lie. So do sensible things, like
putting off sex for a while, or making really sure to use
protection if you do have sex. Also, GAL, if you don’t understand
him, it’s probably not a good sign, even if it makes him seem
mysterious and interesting. At least consider that instead
of interesting he’s just confused or messed up.
—A
Bit Older
I
was pregnant when I was 15. It sucked, so my best advice to
a young woman would be: masturbate often. No one tells
teenage girls that they have the ability to get themselves
off better than any boy could. Learn about your body, find
your clitoris, and experiment! I think a lot of teenage-girl
angst could be bypassed if all parents bought their daughters
a vibrator for their 13th birthday. I know my girl is getting
one.
—The
Baroness
Don’t
be a cock tease. It’s not funny to do this to people you are
with—it’s mean. Stop any intimate experience that is moving
toward sex if you have no intention of having sex.
—Cassandra
I’m
a 21-year-old female and I wanted to write in to give advice
to younger girls. When I was 15 I never had problems getting
guys, but I had problems keeping them, and I was clueless.
When I look back I realize my problem was this: I was crazy.
Don’t make my mistake, girls. Don’t be crazy. Don’t get so
hung up on someone just because you think you are “in love.”
When you’re that young and hormonal everything seems like
“in love,” at least to girls. I would have had a much better
time if only I hadn’t been so clingy and moony.
—Older
and Wiser
You’ve
given out advice to young guys seeking girls, and young girls
seeking guys. I was just wondering if you might have some
advice for a 15-year-old guy seeking guys?
—Young
Gay Boy
Forget
about how a teenage boy can get girls. How about some advice
for a 15-year-old girl on getting girls? It’s so difficult
to meet lesbians or bisexuals at this age, let alone start
a relationship. If you have any advice, I would be so grateful.
—Lonely
Young Lesbian
After
running columns packed with advice for 15-year-old straight
boys and 15-year-old straight girls, how can I say no to dedicating
a couple of columns to 15-year-old queers? Adult gays and
lesbians: What do you know now that you wish you had known
at 15? Send it to me and I’ll pass it along to all those teen
queers.
Finally, there’s tons more advice for 15-year-old girls at
www.metroland.net/savageextra.html.
mail@savagelove.net
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